Vampire Witch & Ghost Wolf

hello

panel one: ghost wolf: "I thought witches had big noses." vampire witch: "I'm only half-witch. I have my father's face" Panel two: Vampire Witch: "literally" She holds up her father's face.
Panel three: Vampire Witch: "I use it in the bath as a scrub." Panel four: Ghost Wolf: "You DO have nice skin." Vampire Witch: "I keep my BEST skin in the freezer."

hands off

a parade of ghouls marches/stumbles along, playing musical instruments including a bass drum, snare drum, clarinet, and horn
three more ghouls march and play music while ghost wolf and vampire witch look on vampire witch: my bodies, my choice

fun & games

ghost wolf: did you hear the news? vampire witch: let me guess...someone crept into the cemetary at midnight, unearthed & reanimated 50 corpses, marched them to the athletic fields, and had them re-enact the 1996 Women’s Soccer semifinals in Athens, where Shannon MacMillan’s game-winning overtime goal propelled team USA over Norway in a 2-1 victory on their way to eventually earning their first-ever Olympic gold medal in the sport?
ghost wolf: uh, no ghost wolf: my cactus bloomed vampire witch: you missed a good game last night

places of the mind

vampire witch: wanna try my latest potion? it's called "places of the mind" ghost wolf: ok vampire witch: first comes the ultimate bliss ghost wolf floats into a blissful spiral ghost wolf: whoa ghost wolf: ah
ghost wolf is blissful. ghost wolf: oh ghost wolf: mm vampire witch: and as that fades away, we journey to the next place...the infinite horror ghost wolf: what, what? behind him lurks the famous Edvard Munch "The Scream" painting, its face replaced by a screaming skull

the light

ghost wolf: ugh, all this endless afterlife. sometimes i think about just stepping into the light vampire witch: what. hold on there. listen to me:
vampire witch: you might not feel good in this moment, and that’s ok. that’s understandable. but also please know this: you are needed, valued, and above all else LOVED here in the dim nether realm of the undead. and i’m here for you. i don’t want to see you PERSIST in the darkness, i want to see you THRIVE. it’s going to get better. i promise. ghost wolf: *sniff* wow, thanks vampire witch: come on. let's go do some mischief

let's do what you want today

ghost wolf: i'm not really into evil mischief & wicked deeds vampire witch: ok, let's do what YOU want today ghost wolf: really?
Later... vampire witch and ghost wolf are sitting on the couch. vampire witch holds up a beverage and says: these tears have soured ghost wolf: that's kombucha vampire witch spits out the beverage: pfffft

glow up

ghost wolf: sometimes i just don't know how to be me vampire witch: bap ghost wolf is enveloped in smoke
ghost wolf is now wearing a hat and cape just like vampire witch. Vampire witch: now you're me Ghost wolf: my mouth itches vampire witch: that's the bloodlust

now with youth lingo

ghost wolf: sometimes i feel like a sad, lonely poseur with no rizz to speak of vampire witch: bap! ghost wolf is enveloped in smoke
vampire witch: bruh...sigma glow up, no cap! ghost wolf: no cap? vampire witch: deadass, you were skibidi toilet trash before. lol, lmao

boop

ghost wolf: One eight-ounce decaf oat milk latte please vampire witch: and one glass of children's tears barrista: um, we don't serve children's tears
VW: boop! you're a newt. (she turns the barista into a newt) ghost wolf: What about my latte? Vampire witch: That ship has sailed. Come on. Let's go make some children cry.

self-care

ghost wolf: *sigh* the weather always gets me down. I don't know what to do with myself. I know I should do something, but I don't have the motivation vampire witch: i've got an idea. let's go find some children, steal their souls, put them in tiny glass bottles, and toss them into the ocean
ghost wolf: i was thinking more like a yoga class vampire witch: that works. I'll go get my tiny glass bottles.

peas in a pod

ghost wolf: wolves are actually gentle and sensitive creatures vampire witch: so are vampire witches ghost wolf: you just turned our entire yoga class into newts. Vampire Witch: wretches! they totally deserved it.
Vampire Witch: I'm an empath.

party at ron's

GW: Did you get the invite to Ron's party? VW: Bad news. I turned Ron into a newt. GW: Aw, I was really looking forward to that party VW: Maybe this will cheer you up
GW: What is it? VW: An invite to MY party. It's at Ron's house.

self-care is important

ghost wolf: ugh i feel almost constant existential dread vampire witch: why? you're a ghost. you're already dead ghost wolf: but what comes AFTER the afterlife? or am i doomed to wander for all eternity? does it even matter?? or is it all just an endless, meaningless void??
vampire witch: listen, i have an idea. let's find some kids, steal their souls, hide them in tiny glass bottles, and toss them into the ocean. Ghost Wolf doesn't answer. He looks at vampire witch. Vampire witch: self care is important

night at the movies

A line of velvet ropes at a theater with several newts wandering around. a sign on the wall says "please have tickets out"
ghost wolf to the newts: excuse me, pardon me, sorry about that vampire witch turning another person into a newt: boop! you're a newt

no shame

vampire witch: I'm so done with body shaming ghost wolf: yeah vampire witch: i should be able to drag my bloated old corpse wherever I want without judgment
vampire witch: and I should be able to wheel that corpse through the aisles at target without everyone gawking and wretching in disgust vampire witch hands target bag to ghost wolf vampire witch: here. I got you some detangled. that scruffy look really isn't doing it. ghost wolf: well, I'm shedding

the plan

vampire witch: lookin' good, ghost wolf ghost wolf: thanks! you too vampire witch: did i tell you i lost 5 pounds of belly fat at the gym this morning?
vampire witch: not sure. i think maybe i left it in the sauna vampire witch: i've still got the brains and liver, so dinner isn't completely ruined

love can be practical

vampire witch: I wrote a poem for you. ghost wolf waits patiently to hear what it will be. vampire witch: roses are red, corpses are blue, if you don't refrigerate the eyeballs they turn into goo
vampire witch: it's a poem AND a helpful reminder.

yum

gw: whatcha cookin? smells kind of fruity and fishy vw: it's ceviche
gw: I thought ceviche was supposed to be raw. Is that a human hand? vw: well, it's like MY take on ceviche

yes, &

vampire witch: there's more to being undead than feasting mercilessly on the blood of innocents...there are souls to steal, curse to chant, unholy ceremonies to perform...hexes to cast, potions to brew, hell-portals to open...
vampire witch: ...lovers to star-cross, do-gooders to vex, wanderers to ensnare ghost wolf: or like learning to crochet vampire witch: yes, and dark arts to perfect, demons to summon, horrifying visions to inflict upon restless sleepers... ghost wolf holds up a crocheted turtle: look, i made you a turtle

munch munch

ghost wolf: you turned our entire yoga class into street tacos? vampire witch: that flow was lame. the whole vibe was wack
vampire witch takes a bite of a taco, then says: urg. i went too light on the pico again

tell me more

ghost wolf: ...the most absolutely exquisite biryani. tasting it, i was like suddenly aware of the infinite wonder of-- man: Hey! put your dog on a leash! Park rules! Vampire Witch: Boop! You're a newt.
The man has become a newt. His dog looks at him uncertainly. ghost wolf: uh vampire witch: forget him. tell me more about the biryani The man, now a newt, is eaten by the dog

other stuff by Sean

Scroll to Top